A Creepy-crawly Emergency
by AbsoluteAnarchy
Summary: A short Oneshot. Deidara finds an unwelcome guest in his bedroom and he needs a little help getting rid of it. Luckily, his Danna is on hand to save him. WARNING: SasoDei. Don't like? Don't read. AU.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Akatsuki or any of the characters/concepts featured. All characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

* * *

Deidara was trapped.

No other word could be used to describe his situation.

He cowered in the corner of his room, his big blue eyes glued to the ceiling. There, flitting about his lamp, was a crane fly.

Now, normally there was nothing scary about a fly; Deidara actually found some insects to be quite fascinating (and snails were funny), but this thing was huge.

It was a demented monster.

It's spindly legs fanned out in all directions and it's lumpy body was a grotesque brown-ish colour.

It was as big as his hand.

This was Jashin's crane fly.

Deidara gulped. Just looking at it made his skin crawl. What if it suddenly changed direction? What if it flew at him? What the fuck would he do then?

He shuddered. He knew what he'd do; he'd scream like a little girl.

Summoning all his zeal and determination, he edged his way along the wall towards the box of tissues on his dresser. As he crept, he kept a wary eye on the creature above him.

Eventually, he reached his survival kit and swiftly grabbed several tissues. They were flimsy and white, and not at all deadly.

To a human.

To this motherfucker, they were like shuriken.

He took a deep breath and tiptoed under the lamp, whimpering when the crane fly flew particularly close to his head. Then it settled down a bit and landed just on top of the light bulb.

Deidara blew on it and it's wings ruffled a little, but it didn't move.

Typical. Just typical. Now that he wanted it to move, it wouldn't.

Little son of a bitch.

He scowled and reached up, intending to prod it with the edge of a tissue.

It twitched a little, it's legs flailing about. But in the end, it simply shifted a few centimetres to the left.

Annoyed, Deidara reached up and gave the thing a definite pat.

Then he squeaked and retreated to his corner.

He had set it off again and it drifted clumsily across the room, landing on the wall beside the double bed. Against the white wallpaper, it looked truly menacing.

It was so big and just...just wrong. It wasn't meant to there.

It was meant to be outside in a forest somewhere.

Or in a puddle.

Deidara didn't even know how it had gotten in. Sure, he had left the window open, but normally he only got moths.

He was alright with moths; they were cute and fuzzy, and the big ones were like floating balls of fluff.

This thing was ugly as shit.

And he didn't want it.

'Get out, hm,' he hissed. He made another timid swipe for it.

It didn't move.

Well, he certainly didn't want to get any closer. He wouldn't be able to deal with the stress of it all. It was emotionally taxing for him.

Of course, he could always leave the room and watch some television until Danna came home.

Danna would know what to do.

Danna always knew what to do.

Deidara screwed up his nose and glared at the crane fly one last time. Then he abandoned his tissues and made a dash for the door.

He ran down the stairs with extraordinary speed, so fast in fact, that his legs got too far ahead of him.

He put his foot out, expecting to land on another step, but instead felt nothing but air. Shocked, he stumbled forward, almost hitting the wooden coat rack. As it was, the pole wobbled dangerously.

_Stupid crane fly._

He sighed heavily and wandered into the living room to turn on the T.V.

He couldn't continue with his art; his sketch pad and pencils were lost in the cave of the beast.

He couldn't be bothered to rescue them. Their sacrifice had been worth it though; he was alive and that was what mattered.

He glanced at the clock. It was nearly 6pm.

Danna would be home soon; the man hated to keep people waiting.

In fact, Deidara only got to watch 15 minutes of Jimmy Carr before he heard the front door open.

Grinning, he shot up immediately and bounded to the entrance.

There was Sasori, his Danna, dressed in his suit and tie, and hanging his cap on the coat rack. He worked as a school teacher and, judging from his limp crimson hair, it had been raining outside.

He smiled when he saw Deidara and brought his lover into a tight hug. He buried his nose in the younger male's long, blonde hair.

'Mmm...I'm back. Did you miss me?'

Deidara nodded against his Danna's shoulder. Then he remembered why he had come downstairs in the first place.

'Danna, there's something in my room, un...'

'Oh?'

'It's big and I need you to squish it for me, un.'

Sasori chuckled and kissed his uke's temple. He was used to creepy-crawly emergencies. He found it cute. 'Show me.'

Reluctantly, Deidara took his saviour upstairs and pointed inside the bedroom. The crane fly was still present, sitting on the wall and being annoying.

'It's not that bad, Dei,' whispered Sasori, planting a soft smooch on the other's cheek. 'He isn't doing you any harm...'

Deidara scowled, his cheeks pink. 'I still don't like it. If it stays then I can't go to bed, hm...'

Now this was a different story.

Sasori couldn't deal with that. His reasons were probably a lot more lustful and perverted than Deidara's, but still...

He was quiet for a moment, as if formulating a plan. Then he disappeared downstairs in the direction of the kitchen. He returned moments later with a glass and an old sheet of card.

Deidara hovered by the door, fretfully twiddling his hair.

He watched his Danna venture forth into the unknown.

Sasori was a pro at bug catching.

All it took was a quick pounce in the right direction and the crane fly was no more.

It wriggled about inside the glass, hitting the sides of its prison like a crazed goldfish in a tank. It's wings flapped and it's legs squirmed, but alas, it could not break free.

Calmly and carefully, Sasori slid the glass away, replacing the wall with the card barrier.

Deidara watched in awe.

He made it look so easy!

Sasori smiled to himself; he knew he was being watched and it made his heart glow. He walked over to the window, releasing the crane fly back into the wild and shutting it.

Then he braced himself for a glomp.

It came quickly in a rush of blonde.

'Danna! My hero, un!'

Sasori chuckled and allowed his face to be covered in random kisses.

He relished little moments like this; he wasn't a knight or a police officer or a fireman, but he could still be Deidara's champion.

'So you're alright now, yes?' He asked, stroking his lover's hair.

Deidara shut his eyes and purred. He liked being held; his Danna's chest was always so warm and firm. He felt safe. 'Yeah. I love you, un...'

He felt a soft kiss placed on his forehead.

'I love you too. Now, I brought some doughnuts on the way home from work; would you like one?'

Deidara nodded eagerly and his eyes gleamed.

He trailed downstairs behind his Danna, eager to be fed.

How had he ever gotten himself so worked up over a pesky bug? At least now he knew he wouldn't have to worry as much.

After all, a crane fly was nothing compared to a scorpion.

* * *

_Just something quick that I came up with after seeing a crane fly in my bathroom. It scared the crap out of me. D:_

_OOCness everywhere, but it was still fun to write. I hope you liked it. :D And if you ever see a crane fly, be very careful. O_O_

_Love ya! :3_


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